Revise Personal memoir using the comments provided Edit the Attached Essay Personal Memoir: Imposter using the below comments.For the opening, I like that it sets up a definition for impostersyndrome, but the end of the opening paragraph feels a little stilted. Writingabout the writing this way tends to take the readers out of the narrative.While the reflections were strong, the scenes could be moredeveloped and vivid. Try to describe the adversaries and maybe even quote someof the poems being read (or give the gist if theyre hard to remember or find).Also, the purpose behind reading the poems could be clearer. Is itfor a competition or a performance? If so, what kind?The setting feels important to the narrative, but we dont get astrong sense of where and when this all takes place. Try to develop this and itbuild it into the narrative more. Describe the places where it takes place.Describe the uniforms and the other children. Make it come alive a little morewith details.Please proofread with care throughout for passive voice (e.g. Iam handed over the pamphletWho handed it over?), run-on sentences, and typos.Thank you for including the citation. Just be sure to cite in-text and make itclear where the source is used in the essay.             I liked theway your essay was written. I got the impression that it was like a story thatyou are hearing from someone else. You wrote as if you were speaking and thatmade it quite interesting and it made me feel closer to the story since itdidnt feel like a formal essay meant to simply give information. I also likedthe examples you gave in the short stories you told, such as the one about thepoem. It details the inner battle you had in that situation and the effects ofthose decisions. It gave me more of an idea on what was really going on when itcame to your sense of identity. I do think that you couldve spent more timeelaborating on the ending. It felt like you barely had room and just decided tofit it into the last sentence, which is perfectly fine, endings arent easy. Idid enjoy seeing how you detailed some of the steps that were taken towardsbecoming better about your confidence, and it was a good first step towardscoming to an ending, but it still felt kind of rushed.Thisessay is about a young woman coming to see herself positively, and the struggleto be oneself despite being looked down upon by those who have more advantages.The essay expresses the questioning of who we are in relation to who others seeus to be. The persona created is of a young girl who wants to shine but fearsthe way she will be perceived. The persona is limited in scope, which is theright amount to see the persona but not so much as to be the entire focus. Thedilemma that is still present and is the reason that the memoir is being toldnow, is that the narrator, the young girl who feared what others would think,still has some fear of what others will think of her now. The present voice isshown at the end of the essay and conveys that the narrator is stronger in herconfidence than she had been in youth, but also shows that the she has not yetrealized her true ability to shine, but she is working on it.             The narrator is aware that she is growing as aperson and she wants the confidence that is still lacking. This essay is movingand relatable. The orienting facts are adequate to grasp the character of themain perspective. I am curious about Annie though. A few more orienting factsabout that relationship may help to fill out the orientation. The essay is anexploration of change. The narrator clearly has not seen her own fullcapability and is striving to do so. That is an admirable pursuit. The narratorwants to be free of fear, she wants to shine, and she is willing to work forit. The obstacle is self-confidence. The narrator needs to let go of the fearof what others think and let herself be who ever and whatever she wants to be.The college occurrence could use some clarification it its wording. A craftelement that might help to make the essay even more compelling is the revisionprocess that would have the piece read aloud slowly to catch any word placementthat impedes flow. Also to know a little more about the family would ground thepiece. This essay draft is ambitious in that the topic is personal and is of asensitive nature. The narrator succeeds at making me care and with a few morevivid details and descriptive passages, the picture would come to life evenmore.  Free features N Outline $5 FREE N Revisions $30 FREE N Title Page $5 FREE N Bibliography $15 FREE N Formatting $10 FREE PLACE AN ORDER NOW Why Choose Us? 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